Friday, July 21, 2006

I am unemployed

Hello everybody. Yes, I have earned a juris doctorate; no, I do not want to practice as a lawyer, and I am unemployed. Life in the Cincinnati 'burbs for the past two months has been slow and the understimulation is resulting in negative stress. I have trouble writing, thinking, or escaping my sense of ennui and confusion about why I spent the last three years in law school, reading boring texts madly and paying tuition through the nose for reasons that I expected to become clear post-graduation. They remain unclear.

I go to the public library, my current location, on a near-daily basis to check higher ed and the chronicle of higher education for new writer/editor and assistant registrar listings in universities. I frequently check for new writing and intelligence-related listings. I have a resume on Nevertheless, despite floating around 25 or 30 cover letters and resumes to nonprofits organizations and public interest groups, I have not received one phonecall. Am I expecting results too quickly, I hope? Or have I wasted a lot of time and money only to be doomed to work as an attorney, putting my mental health and self-respect in jeopardy? If my life today is objectively easy, something others aspire towards in terms of low daily energy expenditures and material possessions, does that make me a bad person for disliking it so much and complaining about it?

Gas is expensive, so travel is out until I have a job. The car is on its last legs and it is a rolling environmental hazard, with all the black smoke it puts out after I start it up and the oil it burns or leaks everywhere.

I have been working on a concept for a science-fiction story that's been bouncing about my head for months. It is not really going anywhere. I am toying with a synthesizer program using free VSTs and soundfonts to make laptop music.

I feel like a loser. I appreciate hints, suggestions, advice, or encouragement.